Day 1,029
by KlainesBowties
Summary: Day 1,029 of being in love with Darren. That's 1,029 days of being desperately and hopelessly in love with someone who who'd never love me back. That's one year, eleven months and 29 days of being in love with my very best friend, so basically two years of absolute hell. Crisscolfer RPF. Seriously so much angst I want to shoot myself. Rating may go up.
1. Chapter 1

Day 1,029 of being in love with Darren. That's 1,029 days of being desperately and hopelessly in love with someone who who'd never love me back. That's one year, eleven months and 29 days of being in love with my very best friend, so basically two years of absolute hell.

I've probably been subconsciously in love with him since the moment I met him… I just passed it off as a sexual attraction. But seriously, come on… he's fucking gorgeous! You can't blame me for _that_.

I guess when it dawned on me New Year's Eve two years ago. Also known as the day Chris stopped being an oblivious idiot… instead he became a completely and totally, head over heels, in love idiot. Nice trade off, huh?

_ New Year's Eve parties were supposed to be fun, right? Wrong. This shit sucked ass. I swear I was the only sober person there. I love my cast, I really do… but they're fucking strange when intoxicated. I can't even count how many times Lea plopped down in my lap and tried to make out with me, apparently she forgets the simple things – like the fact that I'm GAY – when she's drunk. _

_ After about the twentieth or so time of pushing Lea off my lap, I got Dianna to try and keep her occupied… I'm actually pretty sure they ended up making out, but whatever. Better Dianna than me. _

_ I looked around at all my dancing friends and their dates and suddenly remembered,_ holy fuck; I'm going to be the only one without anyone to kiss at midnight… again.

_Really, if I were legally allowed to drink I'd be fucking wasted. Seriously? Fuck you age limit for alcohol consumption. How am I supposed to get through this night with this group of dumbasses sober? Fuck, you'd think I hate them all. I swear I don't. _

_"You looked lonely," _of-fucking-course I'm lonely, Moron! I'm sitting alone at a bar!

_"A little," I said and shrugged over at my curly-haired friend. We'd only known each other for a couple months but really, Darren was awesome. Out of the entire cast, new and old, Darren's totally my favorite… not that I'd ever admit that to anyone. _

_"Can I buy you a drink?" he asked and sat down next to me at the bar. I let out a soft chuckle and shook my head. _

_"As much as I'd love to say yes to that… I won't be twenty-one till May," I answered him. He pouted and I swear to fucking hell it was the single cutest thing I'd ever seen in my entire life. _

_"Well, I'll make you a deal. On your twenty-first birthday I'll buy you your first drink," he said and nudged my arm. _

_I smiled at him and nodded a bit. "Deal," I said with a small laugh. "So…" I started off after a few seconds of silence. "Who are you kissing at midnight?" _

_Darren sighed and took a sip of the whiskey and soda he had in hand. "I was going to kiss my girlfriend but she ditched me. Well, no not really. She just had something come up, but it feels like it," he said sadly. I frowned gently over at him. Who the hell ditches Darren Criss? Isn't there some kind of rule against that? "What about you, Colfer? Don't you have a boyfriend?" _

_I let out a humorless laugh because come on… really? Did he really think I had a boyfriend? "Yeah, no… I don't. I'm single so..." _

_ He pouted again, _still adorable_, and put his hand on my shoulder. "Well, hey, if you want… you could kiss me? It'll be nice practice for when we have to kiss for the show in a few weeks."_

_My heart jumped a bit. _He _wanted to kiss _me_. I stuttered over my words for a moment before managing to whisper a gentle, "S-sure."_

_"Great!" He said way too happily than I expected him to be… it was probably just the alcohol. Still, _damn it,_ my heart shouldn't be beating this fucking fast. _

_ The next hour or so till midnight involved Darren and myself talking about many dorky things, as-per-ushe, it was really nice actually. It seemed that he was the only one who really got me, and honestly? That scared me to fucking death. I don't spend all this time putting up these walls just to have someone I've known for a few months to take them down… Especially someone like Darren. Someone who made me feel so awesome and jittery and… fuck how am I supposed to know what I'm feeling? I'm twenty, what do you expect? _

_It was approximately 11:58pm and everyone was crowed together with the ones they were planning on kissing. Darren smiled over at me and stood up. "Ready for this, Colfer?" he asked, his hazel eyes twinkling._

Not really, _I thought. "Of course I am." _

_He smiled and stuck his hand out for me and I took it hesitantly. We both walked across the room to the window overlooking where the fireworks were to be set off. Everyone was talking amongst themselves about how amazing 2011 would be. All their New Year's resolutions, all the things they planned on doing… then some of them just giggled and rambled on about how trashed they were. All I could think about was that in just a few seconds I'd be kissing Darren. _

_I knew this would be happening eventually, but that would be on-screen. It'd be Kurt and Blaine kissing for the first time. Not really us. I looked down at our entwined fingers and a bubbly, weird, warm feeling washed over me. Honestly? At first I thought I was going to be sick, and then I thought I was going to giggle like a fourteen year old, then… then I just lost it. I don't really know what happened but I just felt as if he let go of my hand I'd never feel the same way again. _

_"Ten!" Lea started off the countdown, draping herself over Dianna for support. Who knew someone so small could be so drunk… _

_"Nine!" Darren moved to face me. For the first time I got a perfect view oh his eyes, they were these little brown planets, swimming with yellow and green specks. They were beautiful... Fuck, _he _was beautiful. I don't know how to put it into words but… I just felt a little _ping_ in my heart. It was like I had little people running around inside my heart, playing racquet ball against the walls of my heart. _

_"Eight!" He let go of my hand momentarily, but only to wrap his arms around my neck. He started to lean in slowly; I suddenly forgot what it was like to breath._

_"Seven!" I closed my eyes, knowing in a matter of seconds his lips would be on mine. The seconds went by so fast… I just wanted to push myself forward onto him and kiss him right now._

_"Six!" I could feel his lips close to mine. So close… My whole body was tingling, like my whole body was on fire yet it felt too good to stop. Too good to pull away, even if I tried it'd be impossible. Only a few more seconds and he'd be kissing me. Only a few more minutes and I'd be able to kiss him without having to worry about anything but his lips on mine… _

_"Five!" Only four more seconds. I took a deep breath and… He was no longer there. His hands unwrapped from my neck and he pulled away completely. My eyes opened immediately and I saw his expression had changed. I started to freak out, had I done something wrong already? _

_"Mia!" He yelled happily as he saw his girlfriend. She had shown up. Not five seconds before I was going to kiss Darren… she'd showed up. _

_"Four!" he had forgotten completely about me, he'd wrapped his arms around his girlfriend and was hugging her close to his body. _

_"Three!" I felt my body tense, I felt tears well up in my eyes, I felt as if someone had ripped my heart out and thrown it in the middle of the dance floor. _

_"Two!" He moved his hand up to her hair and played softly with it. Tears were falling down my cheeks but I knew no one could see. _Fuck, _what was my problem? Why the hell am I crying? _

_"One!" I assume they kissed, but I didn't see. I couldn't see. I was too busy running away; too busy falling in love with someone who'd never love me back. _


	2. Chapter 2

Two years ago today I went home and cried myself to sleep for the first time since I was little. For the first time in an extremely long time I actually cried. _I _actually cried, not Kurt, me. Once the tears had started at the party they wouldn't stop. By the time I'd managed to drive myself home I was a sobbing wreck, and believe me, I'm not proud of this. I don't know what hurt more, Darren kissing Mia instead of me or the fact that I'd came to the realization that _fuck_ I was in love.

Love… what the fuck kind of emotion is this anyways? At first when I fell in love I had no idea what it was and why the hell it was making me feel like this. It was a mix of heart-wrenching agony and the most beautiful and magnificent thing ever. Whenever I saw Darren I just didn't know how to react. I giggled awkwardly after he touched me, I blushed when he smiled at me, I laughed too much at his jokes… it basically turned me into a fucking teenager. Believe me, I _hated_ these feelings, but then again it was _so_ amazing.

I loved the feeling of electricity shooting through my body when he touched me. I lived for the moments he smiled at me and felt myself dying in the moments he didn't. I found all of his jokes to be the most hilarious thing in the world because in my mind, _they were. _It was like he was a little piece of me without him even knowing it. He was the _best_ piece of me in my opinion. It was almost as if loving him made me a better person.

That was two years ago though. Now, on this marvelous December 31st, 2012, I just felt a constant hollowed out feeling. Not that it's anything new, I've felt this way for a while. The only time I don't feel like this is when I'm with him and it's just us. When we're alone, having those nice moments when we're cuddling up together while watching some lame-ass Disney movie. I'd complain that we've seen a billion times already but secretly love it, and he knows I do, because he knows _me. _I hate that he knows me, but he does… better than anyone else.

He knows every single thing about me, all the details of the bullying I went through in high school, every single one of my insecurities; he knows exactly how to make me smile when I'm upset, he knows what makes me tick… everything. He's the only one of my friends that's actually seen _me _cry. It's scary but… all the walls I put up just seem to crumble away as if they were made of nothing when I'm with him. Like I said, he knows everything about me. Well, everything except for the fact that I'm completely and hopelessly in love with him.

I sat back in my seat and tried to rid myself of these thoughts, but of course it didn't work. All I could do was think back to that _damned_ New Year's Eve two years ago… that, and the one of last year.

_"Come on, Chris! You're twenty-one! You can drink now!" Ashley said with a smile. "Cooome on!" she slurred and plopped down next to me. _

_I rolled my eyes at her and shook my head. "Sorry, Ash. Someone has to stay sober enough to call taxis for all of you to get home!" I yelled, not because of anger or anything, only because the music was way too loud. It's times like this that I hate when people call me the baby of the cast, because seriously? When it comes to partying I feel ten times older than these buffoons. _

_"Yooou just wanna stay sober so you can hit on Criss 'ver there!" she said with a larger than life smile on her face. She pointed over in the direction of Darren dancing – with Mia mind you – along to the loud music. Seriously, I cannot stress how loud fucking loud this music is. _

_I scowled at her and hit her arm gently. "Shut up! Do you want someone to hear you?" I snapped. I knew telling her that I was in love with Darren was a mistake. Not that I don't trust Ashley, next to Lea and Darren she was my best friend… that being said, I still have my moments that I want to kill her. This was definitely one of them._

_"No one can hear us!" She huffed. "Come on, Chriiiis! Admit it! You wanna go dance with him!" _

_"How drunk are you?" I muttered, ignoring her question on purpose. Talking to a drunken Ashley about things like this was… not a good idea, like at all. _

_"Only a 'lil bit, but–" She started till an equally drunk Mark walked by us. He smiled at her and took her hand to pull her onto the dance floor. I sighed in relief when they both left, leaving me alone at the bar. I toyed with the idea I had this time last year, the one where I got completely and utterly wasted, but I didn't. I was right earlier… someone's going to have to call taxis homes for these morons…_

_"Chris!" Darren practically yelled and plopped down next to me. "Why aren't you dancin', man?" he asked and smiled goofily at me. I scanned around for Mia but didn't see her, which I was thankful because I _really _did not like her... but that's probably the jealousy talking. _

_"Not in the mood, I guess," I said and smiled over at him. "I'm fine, Dare. Go dance with your girlfriend." I tried to keep my voice happy but come on, you try watching the man you're madly in love dancing and kissing his girlfriend for a couple of hours… you aren't going to be quite as happy as you'd like to be either. Actually, right now I was feeling down right miserable… which, sadly, is normal for me when it comes to Darren. _

_"C'mon, Chrissie! Dance with me! I love dancing with you… you're so fun to dance with!" I laughed softly at how drunk he was and shook my head. _

_"I'm okay, Dare. Hey, midnight's in a few minutes, why don't you go find Mia?" I asked, again, I probably didn't sound too happy… But I was pretty sure Darren was too drunk to realize anything. _

_He nodded a little and sat up on the stool next to me. "She's meeting me at the bar," he said and put his hands on my knees. I bit down on my lip and tried to ignore the butterflies I got in my stomach every time I came into contact with him. "Heeey, remember last year?" he asked. _

_I stilled; we hadn't talked about that night at all. What was I supposed to say in a moment like this? 'Oh yeah! Of course I remember, that was the night you simultaneously made me realize I loved you and broke my heart, what about you,'? _

_"We were gonna kiss!" he said after a while of me sitting there and staring at him with what I'm sure was unusually wide eyes. _

_"Yeah, we sure were," I said gently, for once in my life I wanted Mia to come by and take Darren away from me. I didn't want to talk about this. I really didn't need another reminder of how painfully in love I am with him. _

_"I'm sorry we didn't. I wanted to kiss you though, I just couldn't with her," he muttered and pointed to the huddled mass of people which I assume was supposed to be his girlfriend. "Ya know she's kind of a bitch sometimes?"_

_"Darren! Don't say that. She's your girlfriend," _Yeah, way to go, Chris. Defend the competition…

_"Well it's true! I wanted to kiss you sooo much that night and I couldn't with her right there," he said with a pout, crossing his arms over his chest like a three year old that didn't get their way. _

_I smiled as best as I could and put my hand on his knee. "It's totally fine, Dare," I said and looked at the watch on my arm. It was 11:59pm. People were starting to gather around the one's they were going to kiss again, just like last year._

_"Ten!" This time the countdown was started off by Naya, holding onto Heather and Dianna as she jumped up and down happily. Darren stood up and took my hand. "Come on, Chris… I don't know where she is, lemme make it up to you…" _

_"Nine!" I couldn't form words. I tried but I couldn't, instead I just stood up and nodded softly. I wanted to say something, fucking anything, but I was incapable to do anything but stand there and stare into those same beautiful eyes. _

_"Eight!" His arms found my waist this time, pulling me close and smiling at me. He smelled strongly of alcohol but the second I closed my eyes I could vaguely smell the soft scent of coconut and vanilla… his scent. _

_"Seven!" I braced myself as we both leaned in, our lips almost touching again. This was it, who knew where his girlfriend was. This was finally going to be the moment that I got to kiss Darren. Not as Kurt but as me. The very same thing I'd dreamed of doing over and over so many times. The only thing I'd ever wanted in the past year._

_"Six!" His top lip brushed softly against my own for a moment, causing my whole entire body to shiver. I squeezed my eyes shut and felt a smile spread across my face. This was it. This was finally it. I was finally getting my wish. _

_"Five!" I should have known in was coming, but didn't. My whole body, mind and heart were too caught up in the moment. His arms suddenly unwrapped from mine. I opened my eyes and there she stood… waiting for him, just like I should have known she would. _

_"Four!" She laughed, obviously too drunk to understand that we were about to kiss… or too drunk to care. She wrapped her arms around his neck and smiled at him widely. _

_"Three!" My heart broke again. Just like last year, but somehow this was so much worse. I felt like such an idiot, I was just setting myself up for this. _

_"Two!" I turned around and pushed my way through the crowded party. I think Lea may have grabbed onto my hand to pull me back but I'm not for sure, my vision was too clouded with the all too familiar tears. I was so tired of crying over him, I was so tired of being hurt over him. I wanted to move on and to stop loving him… but I couldn't. I couldn't stop loving him. _

_I was rushing out the party and to my car. I could hear the soft yell of "One!" A pause and, "Happy New Years!" I shook my head and continued to run, my legs moving so fast I could barely keep up with myself. _

_I struggled with the door of my car and slammed it behind me. Tears poured down my cheeks, sobs wracking my body. I felt my whole entire body aching with heartbreak. The hollow feeling I'd grown so accustomed to had changed back into the constant ache. I knew it, 2012 would just be a repeat of 2011, and I'd go through with it too. Why? Because I'm too in love to stop myself. _


	3. Chapter 3

Why I let myself think back to that night is beyond me. I thought I was smarter than that, obviously I thought wrong. It's hard not to think about it though, it's already on my mind ever so often, but it always pops up into my head around the end of the year. Honestly, it hurts like hell. More than you can ever imagine your heart breaking. Sometimes I hate myself for falling for him so hard.

I shook my head and looked at my watch, 11:35. Great, another twenty-five minutes and I'll have to go through a repeat of last year and the year after that. No, not exactly, because this year I'm not giving into him and his _damn_ beautiful, begging eyes. I'm not going to fall for the same trick again.

At least this year I won't have to sit through Darren and Mia kissing like I did the last two years, even though technically I didn't have to watch them kiss but still… same thing. They'd broken up a few months ago. I'd expected Darren to be brokenhearted about it but he wasn't. He was more apathetic than anything. Which I'm glad he was because I don't think I could be able to comfort him very well, I'm a bit biased if you can't tell.

For some odd reason this year all my drunken cast mates don't bother me as much as they had the past two years. I think I've grown accustom to their occasional (sometimes constant) insanity; either that or my mind is too clouded to care.

Again, I'm pretty sure I was the only one who was sober. I scanned the room for Darren but I couldn't find him. Come to think of it if I were to have gotten up I would have most likely found him in a matter of minutes, but I knew if I did it'd end badly, and I _refused _to let myself get hurt this year.

Sure, the few seconds before we kissed were absolute perfect. My whole body had been on fire from the moment he'd first touched me to the second our lips were just about to touch. The moment his soft lips were about to press against my own, our eyes closing, holding onto each other as tight as we could and never letting each other go…

"Hey, there you are man." I looked up mid-daydream to see Darren plopping down next to me on the barstool. _Shit, _he'd found me. I mean, it's not like I was hiding but still. I don't know why he felt the need to come over here.

"Yep," I said with a nod. I didn't really want to talk to him. I knew Darren, and I knew that if we started talking one thing would lead to another and then he'd want to kiss me at midnight. He'd _want _to and then something would happen to prevent it again. My heart would get broken the same way it had this day last year and the year before, and every single damn day in between.

He smiled over at me and motioned over to the bar tended. "I don't want anything," I told him but he scoffed.

"If I'm drinking so are you," he informed me and ordered us both beers. I rolled my eyes but accepted it anyway.

"Thanks," I muttered and took such a small sip that I could barely taste the bitter liquid; at this rate I'd never finish the bottle.

"Why aren't you drinking?" he asked, taking a larger than life swig of his own. "It's New Year's Eve, _everyone_ drinks."

I took a slightly bigger sip and shrugged. _Because I don't want to do something stupid, _I thought. "I'm not everyone."

He pouted at me, and even though he did this often it made me melt. "Chris, are you okay? You seem upset–"

"I'm fine," I cut him off, but he just shook his head and moved over closer to me. He was so close to me I could feel his warm breath on my face, part of me wanted to push him away and the other part of me wanted to pull him in and kiss him.

"No you aren't. You've been like this for a while now; I just didn't know how to approach you about it. Tell me what's going on?" He was so sweet about it; his smile so genuine, his eyes sparkling at me. It made me want to push him away and kiss him at the same time even more. _Fuck. _

I tried to smile at him but it didn't exactly work out that well. "I'm seriously okay. I'm just not in the mood to party, that's all."

"Then why are you here?"

That was the question, why _was _I here? Why would I put myself through this when I could easily be at home, cuddled up in bed watching the ball drop from times square in a comfy pair of sweatpants and the shirt he left at my house last week when he crashed at my place. Instead I was here. I didn't get it. Maybe in a way I _needed_ to be here… just to see what would happen. I know that's really stupid line of thinking because _nothing_ would be happening.

"I don't know," I answered honestly. He frowned at me and put his hand on my knee.

"Why won't you just tell me what's really going on? Come on, I'm your best friend," he whispered. He almost looked hurt that I wouldn't tell him.

I sighed and shook my head a bit, placing my hand on top of the one on his knee. "It's personal, okay?" _Fuck, I shouldn't have said that. _

"You can tell me anything, you know that," he muttered. Fuck, why did he look so hurt? Why does he even care so much?

"I-I don't want to mess anything up. Can we just leave it at that?" I asked him. He still looked hurt though, which was fucking killing me. He looked as if I told him they outlawed the consumption of Redvines and apple juice.

Darren frowned and stood up. "I tell you everything, Chris. _Fucking everything, _all I'm asking is you return the favor so I can help you. I hate seeing you so upset!" He looked at me with sad eyes for another second before starting to walk away.

"Where are you going?" I asked him, following him to wherever he was walking. He didn't look like he was leaving the party but he didn't look like he was staying either.

"Outside," he muttered. I sighed and followed him as he walked past a group of people and to a flight of stairs. I wasn't even sure if he was aware I was following him but I couldn't just let him leave things like this between us. I hated it when we were mad at each other.

We finally made it up the flight of stairs and out to what looked like a little balcony. I wasn't even aware that there was one here, but apparently he'd found it.

"Dare, please don't be mad at me," I said. He sighed and leaned against the balcony's rails, not even looking at me.

"I'm not mad at you, Chris. I just don't like seeing you sad. You're my best friend–"

"Right, I'm your best friend, and you're mine. That's why I can't tell you this. It'd fuck everything up and if anything ever happened between us… I-I wouldn't know what to do with myself. So please, just leave it at what I said back at the bar," I said, leaning next to him. I looked over at him and sighed gently, he still looked so upset.

He didn't look at me for a few seconds; he just stared out at the starry sky above us. I looked down at my watch, 11:55. Only five more minutes until the sky above us would be filled with fireworks, ringing in the New Year.

"Nothing is ever going to happen to us to ruin our friendship," he closed his eyes and turned a bit to face me. "You mean a lot to me, more than you may think. If I lost you I seriously don't know what I'd do. So whatever it is just tell me so I can help you?"

I sighed and closed my eyes. I felt his hand clasp over mine, making me shiver a little all over. Had I really been _that_ sad lately? I had no idea how much this unrequited love thing was getting to me. "Go back to the party, Dare… I'm sure if you ask one of the girls they'll kiss you at midnight," I whispered.

He took a step closer to me and moved his hand up to cup my cheek. "I don't want any of them," he whispered. His thumb moved to lightly caress my cheek, causing me to shiver profusely. Why did he do this to me?

"Please, Dare… I can't do this, not again," I managed to whisper. I hated this, God, _hated _the way he turned me into a nervous teenager hut by a single, intimate touch.

He blinked a few times before answering. Each time his eyelids fluttered shut and covered his honey-hazel eyes, I felt my heart skip a bear. "Please, Baby?" he whispered and stood up a tiny bit on his toes so that he was almost eye level with me. The term of endearment sent sparks running throughout my whole body.

I tried to pull away from him but his arm had snaked around my waist. I was trapped in his arms, just like I'd been countless times in my dreams. "I can't please… you don't get it."

"Then tell me why?" he asked. "Tell me why I don't get it, Chris… Please? Make me understand."

"Because something will happen," I said softly. I felt so vulnerable like this, with his eyes boring into me; this feeling of him toughing me, holding me, felt amazing. I wanted to just disappear into his arms. Except I _couldn't_, I couldn't let myself gall for his unintentional cruelty. "Something always does."

"Baby," that _damned _name again. "Baby… please, I-I… you really have no idea how long I've wanted this. How long I've wanted to kiss you–"

"Stop!" I yelled, what was I doing? He _wanted _this. Why couldn't I just let myself have this, just this one kiss?

"Why, Chris? I just want to kiss you–"

"Yeah, just like you did last year and the year before that! But you didn't! You kissed _her!_" I cut him off. My voice was loud and strained, I was sure the while party could hear me if the music wasn't so loud downstairs. "Do you have any idea how much that hurt me?" I yelled, suddenly feeling my eyes well up with tears.

"I-I'm sorry, Chris. I had no idea," he whispered, his gaze falling from my tear filled eyes to the ground. His hand dropped from my cheek, his arm unwrapped from my waist, leaving me with a sudden empty feeling. Well, emptier feeling, more empty than usual. "I didn't think it bothered you."

"How could you?" I muttered. "I never told you that it was a big deal or anything," I turned to look at my watch. 11:59.

"I wouldn't have rather kissed you. I wish I would have," he whispered. I looked over at him and nodded.

"Yeah, me too…"

"I still want to kiss you."

"Ten!" We heard them yell from downstairs.

"Please, Chris?"

"Nine!" I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. It was now or never. I had to make a choice: tell him I'd kiss him and risk losing him again, or tell him I'd kiss him and finally get what I'd been waiting for, what I'd been wanting for the last two years.

"Eight!" I opened my eyes to see his wide, pleading eyes staring at me.

"Okay," I whispered.

"Seven!" he moved closer to me, putting his hand back against my cheek.

"Six!" I couldn't stop starting at him. The want on his face was so genuine; it dawned on me that he _actually _wanted this.

"Five!" I finally willed myself to close my eyes. I could feel his hand continued to caress gently at my skin, wiping away a tear that I wasn't even aware I'd shed.

"Four!" My body was on fire; my heart was beating so fast I was sure he could hear it. A part of me was scared something would happen – just like the past two years – or he'd kiss me and remover _he was straight. _

"Three!" I could feel his breath on my lips. I t was like a drumroll and we were just waiting for the grand finale.

"Two!" One more second left. One measly second until I'd get what I'd dreamed of for every night since I was twenty.

"I love you." I wanted to react, I wanted to say it back but I couldn't.

"One!"

Because he was kissing me.


	4. Chapter 4

You dream and you dream of something for so long that you expect it to be something exactly like you imagined. You have all these expectations that you build yourself up to and when it actually happens you think it's going to be _just _how you imagined it. Well, that's what I thought. I was wrong. Kissing Darren – not Blaine – was two million times better than I'd ever thought it'd be.

Kissing Darren was what I'd wanted for so long and now I didn't know how to stop. His lips were so soft and gentle against mine. It wasn't anything like kissing him on set; no one was there but us. It wasn't like when we were kissing in character, usually before we did on set he had chewed some gum beforehand or brushed his teeth. I guess that's why I always thought kissing him for real I'd taste the same peppermint flavor but I didn't. It was a faint taste of beer and the eggnog he'd been drinking earlier. I wanted it to be like this forever; I never wanted there to be a moment when his lips weren't on mine like this.

I could feel his tongue licking gently at my bottom lip, asking me for entrance into my mouth. Of course, I wasn't going to say no, so I parted my lips a bit to allow his tongue complete access to my mouth. The kiss was changing slowly from soft and gentle to fast, passionate and needy. It still, however, remained somewhat loving and beautiful.

Fireworks blazed above us in the sky, illuminating the sky in bright colors. Bright colors that were completely out shined in the heat of the moment Darren and I were currently sharing. His arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me closer to him. Our hips moved and slotted together, my arms finding their way to his neck. I let them rest there as he continued to kiss me. I heard him let out a gentle moan, causing me to do the exact same. The noises coming out of his mouth as we kissed were so amazing… and _I _was the cause of them.

I don't know when – or how, really – but eventually Darren had pushed me up against the wall, still kissing me so hard and hot that I forgot what it was like to breath. I If I didn't have to pull away when I did I think I would have suffocated. This, come to think of it, would have been a pretty nice way to go.

We were both out of breath as we finally detached our lips from one another. Darren pressed his forehead against me and closed his eyes, cupping my cheeks in his hands again. I His grip on mw was so tight I was afraid he'd never let go, but really, if he didn't that'd be okay. Stuck in his grasp forever would be a dream come true.

"I love you," he repeated his earlier statement. I bit down on my lip to try and hold back a giggly laugh that I was sure was about to escape. After a second I smiled gently and leaned in to press a soft, chaste kiss to his lips. It was unbelievable, he _actually _loved me.

"I love you too, Dare," I whispered. I moved my hand up to press to his that was resting on my cheek. "I have forever."

He laughed gently and ran the pad of his thumb across my cheek. "How long is forever, exactly?"

"1,02–" I started, shaking my head and correcting myself with a small chuckle. "1,030 days."

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked softly. I shrugged and moved my hand to play with the hair at the back of his neck.

"I was nervous. You were with Mia for so long and even then, I didn't think you'd feel the same way… Like ever."

Darren frowned and leaned close to me. His eyes were still so soft, warm and inviting; I felt myself melting inside just by looking at him. "I wish you would have told me. I would have ended things with her for you…" he paused and pulled me into a hug, letting go of me for a moment to wrap his arms around my waist. "I'd do anything for you, Chris."

I felt my heart swell and a blush take over my face at his words. I squeezed onto him a little tighter. "I love you," I whispered, feeling his nose nuzzle into my neck. "You're everything I've ever wanted, Dare." I closed my eyes and sighed happily; I wasn't sure where things would go with him, but it felt so good to just be with him, to feel his arms around me and hold me, to know that he loved me just as much as I loved him.


End file.
